Gender Fuck Thursday: Tie Me Up Edition

Who doesn’t love to tie one on? A necktie, people, a necktie. Sheesh, bunch of drunks here. As a kid, I loved ties. My father rarely wore them, so when he did we knew it was a special occasion. That, of course, led to their mystique. I had a few hand-me downs my dad gave me to play dress up with. In fact, one of my favorite things to do was to wear one of my dad’s old 60s Lord & Taylor suit jackets (slim-cut, so they almost fit), slick my hair back and put on a tie. Geez, and you wonder why it took me forever to figure out The Gay. I haven’t worn one in a while. But with lovely ladies like Katharine Hepburn as inspiration, perhaps it’s time to give it another try. Now, who wants to show me how to tie a Windsor knot again?

Ellen PageI looked a little like her swimming in my suits back in the day.

Gillian AndersonShe looks a little like she is auditioning for “The Office.” Oooh, maybe she can be the new Michael Scott.

Hilary SwankGod, she makes a handsome boy, doesn’t she?

Janelle MonaeIt is one of my greatest wishes that Janelle will help usher in a trend of women in beautifully cut tuxedos.

Kirsten DunstTaking ties off can be as fun as putting them on. Sometimes more.

Emma ThompsonI believe the word you’re looking for here is rawwwr.
[Hat tip, babsf!]

Clara BowThe It Girl in a tie and suspenders. Now we know what “It” was.

Ingrid BergmanIngrid in that tie is totally worth more than a hill of beans.

Marlene DietrichNo Gender Fuck Thursday is truly complete without her. Period.

Gun it

Now, don’t get me wrong, I liked “Inception.” It was like one of those M.C. Escher paintings from you college dorm room came to life, spun around a dozen times and then spit out that guy from “Titanic” and that gal from “Juno.” Also, who doesn’t love Ellen Page in an assortment of neckerchiefs? But what I really want is a little lady action. Sure Marion Cotillard gets to brandish a weapon here and there. But I crave is the big, bad-ass ladies with even bigger guns. I mean, damn Michelle Rodriguez, damn. So now the only question is, old school or new school? Decisions, decisions.

OLD SCHOOL

Gail DavisAnnie’s got not one, but two guns. As it should be.

Jane FondaWell now, Ms. Ballou, I like the way you point that thing.

Marlene DietrichThis is her just hanging at the shooting range in leather pants.

Pam GrierShe wasn’t called Foxy Brown for nothing.

Audrey HepburnAdmittedly, this is just adorable. I mean, a sun hat – come on.

NEW SCHOOL

Zoe SaldanaModern girls know how to double-fist it, too.

Noomi RapaceNo American version needed, thank you very much.

Milla Jovovich & Ali LarterTwo girls, one shotgun. So much better.

Yvonne StrahovskiIn my dream scenario Agent Sarah Walker and Agent Annie Walker meet and compare, um, guns.

Angelina JolieYes, I know, we already had a lengthy discussion about sodium content this week. But Ebert gave “Salt” four stars, and I want it to do well this weekend. Ladies first, ya know.

So, ladies – old school or new school? Or is it just fun to be schooled, period?

Gender Fuck Thursday

While all the bikini-clad lesbian amass in Palm Springs this weekend with their board shorts and their novelty tanks, I’d like to take this moment to sing the praises of a well-dressed woman. Now, I’ve got nothing against Dinah Shore Weekend. In general, I am very pro sweaty, drunken, semi-naked lesbians. But as an activity I want to immerse myself into for an entire weekend, um, no thanks. I never participated in wet T-shirt contests in college during my actual spring breaks, so why would I want to begin now as an adult who has a much longer and painful turn-around time from hangovers. Also, all white is so unflattering. Though for all you lovelies who are going, knock yourself out. Just remember: sunscreen, aspirin and hand sanitizer. Hey, that’s a lot of gay ladies in one place – you never know where those hands have been. And if you really want to stand out amid the madras shorts and flips flops, remember nothing says sexy like a suit.

Diane KrugerThere is nothing inglorious about the way she wears a suit.

Amy AdamsSuits are stylish and functional; that belt could double as a suitcase strap.

Marion CotillardLa vie en rock ‘n’ roll.

Tilda SwintonLike I could leave her out of one of these Thursdays.

Vera FarmigaJust showing Clooney how it’s done.

Zoe SaldanaShirts are, as always, optional.

Lea MicheleThough, if you’re shy, you can certainly cover up instead.

Marlene Dietrich

Now, does this not beat almost any bikini you’ve ever seen?