Mmm mmm, good

Now I know not everyone shares my same level of lust love for Padma Lakshmi. I know not everyone fantasizes about admires her intensely serene mix of Zen master, dominatrix and H.B.I.C. And, clearly, I know not everyone wants to obsessively repeatedly watch her eat a hamburger. But I do all those things, possibly even the crossed out ones.

Having said that, tonight brings with it a wave of both joy and pain. Joy because “Top Chef” returns bringing with it Padma. Pain because it’s also the start of the two-part finale bringing with it the end of Padma until next season. Wah. Also wah? Padma’s new finale bangs. I’m just not exactly feeling them.

Oh well, I could still watch her eat a burger for hours. So for now I am going to enjoy the current mini-blitz of Padma-y goodness surrounding the finale and her pregnancy. Like, did you catch Padma on Jimmy Fallon last week? Mini-skirts and thigh-highs? Now that’s just damn fine television.

You know, Padma honey, you aren’t helping that (alleged) reputation as an infamous rider of the Pineapple Express by mentioning low-level highs, inhaling and being blissed out. And Seth really does need to mind his own business.

Padma is also featured in Page Six Mgazine story where she talks about her pregnancy. [Hat tip, Carol!] I’m not so much concerned about the interview (she says something about her thighs and Magellan, you know, the usual). But I was more concerned about the photo. It’s a little Miley meets Leibovitz (also, why is she the wrong shade?)

Oh, who am I kidding, it’s still Padma and that’s still more than enough for me to mmm, Padma, mmm over.

Two great things that go great together

If you’ve ever wanted to watch my head explode, then come on over to my house at 9:30 p.m. on November 12. That is the day, The Day, that Padma no-one-eats-a-burger-sexier-than-me Lakshmi will drop by “30 Rock.” Padma and Tina…together…on my TV. Oh, Damn. Never mind waiting until Nov. 12, that splat you just heard was my head exploding in anticipation.

The thing about this coupling is 1) It makes perfect sense and 2) I totally did not expect it. Liz Lemon loves food and we know she likes to settle in for the night with “a meatball sub with extra bread, bottle of NyQuil, TiVo Top Chef.” Also, NBC owns Bravo, so - duh - cross promotion. Yet, for whatever reason, my brain never anticipated this merger of my dream women before. How can this be? Was my subconscious just protecting me from the impending hyperventilation? At this point, I realize I’ve probably lost 95 percent of you who do not share my obsessive devoted Fey-naticism. But, you'll just have to indulge me because, ZOMG, it's Tina and Padma! Now the only question is what to call this meeting of The Hot? Tidma? Padna? Feyshmi?

Padma will appear as herself in the episode titled “The Problem Solvers,” which also introduces guest star Cheyenne Jackson. See, the gay gals get some eye candy and the gay boys get some eye candy. That’s what I can a really gay win-win.

So far, the promos only show Padma with Jack. I swear, Tina better find a way to get her and her bi-curious shoes in the same frame with Padma or my head will explode, but in the bad way. Wait, is there a good way for your head to explode? Wait, am I rambling? Whatever, the point is: Padma + Tina = RIP Ms. Snarker’s head.

p.s. For those who need to warm up before the big event, check out Padma with Nigella Lawson...in robes...in bed from this week’s “Top Chef.” Granted, they need to either push those two beds together or pick one, but still, hello food porn. I swear, if they simultaneously lick stuff off spoons, my poor brain won't even make it until Nov. 12.

p.p.s. Don't even think my mind hasn't gone here already. Because, whoooo-doggie, it has and it has often.