When I first told friends that I was going to see Charlie Sheen at the Fox, I received a very polarized collection of responses. Half of my friends were jealous, and the other half were disgusted. "The show is going to suck"..."He's gonna get booed off stage"..."You will be so mad you wasted your time." But I figured since the tickets were free, I really had nothing to lose. I thought, Who wouldn't want to witness this spectacle? The man went on TV talking crazy and now all of a sudden, he is on tour using the media's ridicule to help fuel his career. It's brilliant! Brilliant concept maybe. But brilliant, the show was not.
The Violent Torpedo of Truth show opened to a guitarist on stage playing through a montage of movie clips, half of which did not even star Sheen. But it definitely served it's purpose for getting the crowd fired up, as drunken college students screamed and cheered at each scene. This relentless screaming continued for a good fifteen minutes into the show. You could barely hear what our man of the hour had to say through the random shouts of "Winning!" "Sorry for partying, Charlie!" and "Fuck Detroit!" echoing through the theater every four seconds. After the mayhem settled slightly, Sheen was able to stumble through a thirty minute monologue that only contained about two actual jokes. The remainder of this time was consumed by awkward banter between Sheen and some audience members, close-ups of two girls in the front row kissing and showing out for an unnecessary amount of time, and a whole segment dedicated to Sheen peeling off Falcons, Braves, and Tech apparel and tossing them into the audience. Of course a little hometown humor and team loyalty will keep people's interest for a while, but after that he lost the crowd.
Sheen then moved into an interview segment where he sat down with Rock 100.5's "Southside" Steve Rickman and Larry Wachs, and after a couple of uninteresting questions, the booing commenced. The crowd was getting restless. Heckles were getting louder and closer together. It was time for Sheen to bring out his secret weapon, Jeffrey Ross. Ross walked out wearing a hazmat suit and proceeded to do what he does best and roasted Sheen. Ross had the crowd cracking up for the next ten minutes. He said he was honored to be part of the "Apparently the Novelty Hasn't Worn Off Yet" Tour. Then hit Sheen with lines like, "It's funny your show was called Two and a Half Men, because that's how many people will be left in the theater when this show's over" and "If you're winning, then apparently there's something wrong with the fucking scoreboard." He mentioned that upon arriving in Atlanta Charlie kept asking how to get to the World of Coke but was disappointed to find out that it was actually the Coca-Cola museum. Appropriately, Ross joked about Sheen's escapades with porn stars, drug use, and his current custody battle. He then wrapped up with some cracks about Sheen's movie career. "Let's face it Charlie. You're the black sheep of a family that was responsible for three Mighty Ducks movies...You make your father ashamed that he shares the same fake last name with you."
Then the ridiculousness ensued when Ross and Sheen stated that the first ten people to make it on stage could ask Sheen one question. One lady asked Sheen to motorboat her on stage, a request which he hesitantly obliged. Ross made funny quips, and some of the audience participants were quite entertaining themselves. Charlie said a few more words about his hopes for his television career to get back on track. He then thanked everyone and brought the show to a close with a performance by ex-MTV Veejay Simon Rex, who apparently (and sadly) has a somewhat budding rap career as Dirt Nasty, rhyming about cocaine in the 80's. It was a sad display, but an appropriate end to the shit fest that we had all just witnessed.
Needless to say, I'm glad I didn't actually spend any money to see the show, and I feel sorry for the people who did. Had it not been for the saving grace of Jeffrey Ross, the whole thing would have been a disaster. And I made sure I let him know this when he walked past us outside after the show. I would have liked to have eloquently complimented him, but instead, in a half-drunken fog, I just slapped him five and shouted, "Jeff Ross! Dude, you fucking rock! You WERE the show, man!" I immediately realized he would not respond the way I hoped since it was not his show. He just looked around slightly bewildered and stated, "Okay. I was the show." Yes, Jeff, you were...Sorry Charlie.
Posted by Guest Contributor: Lisa M. Woodard
